A Letter To You

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Dear, you

Things haven’t been okay lately, but that is OK. Things aren’t supposed to be perfect. It’s NOT supposed to be laid out right in front of you so easily.

Before you have a mental break down: listen to your head and your heart, focus and most importantly breathe.

Focus on yourself, focus on your heart beating… focus on what is best for you right now.

It’s ok to be scared of the future, it’s ok to not know exactly how things go… its life sweetie. Forget the past! You’re running back to it and that? That is not ok. You’ve got to try and let go of that one memory that is holding you back, yes HOLDING YOU BACK. You are holding yourself back by letting that ONE memory eat you alive.

 

I know you might be feeling alone right now and feel as though your world is collapsing or crumbling down slowly and you don’t know where to run or hide… Well, i’m here to tell you. you are not alone, you will never be alone. Don’t run. Running never solves anything it actually makes things sometimes worse than they already are. I bet you can agree on that one.

 

They love you. 

 

Your parents, your siblings, your cats & dogs, your grandparents, your friends, your aunts & uncles, your cousins, they all love you. Your best friends love you, your soulmate is out there wishing they can give you the world but they can’t right now because they are also hurting. Its life sweetheart and we all have to go through things and that is why you are not alone. We all have our burdens, we all have our sorrows, we all have our mistakes, we all have our past that we keep holding onto.

The only thing that makes us all “unique” & “different” is that we all go through things differently. We all suffer differently and at our own pace in life.

Everything will be ok. You will be ok.

Let go of those you’ve lost, and let go of those who cause you nothing but pain and headaches every single day because those are the people that will continue to hold you back in life. Keep those who motivate you, who hold you physically and metaphorically because those are the people who truly care about your success within loving yourself again, no matter how many times you lose yourself, THEY will love you enough for you to find yourself again.

Breathe. Never give up on yourself. Everything will be ok, I promise.

Xoxo,

Anjelique

P.S.– Share your story or your letter, tag this post or me in it or share it down below.

Thank You Mexico ! | Vacation Blog

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Hey readers,

It’s been a while… so I’m currently sitting by the pool area under a cabana, drinking what they call a mudslide. It’s so great, but I can’t tell you whats in it just know theres a mix of alcohol in it too. You’re probably wondering how could I be having some alcoholic bevarage when I haven’t turned 21 yet, well if you can read the name of this post, I’m on vacation!!

thanks to my wonderful, amazing parents I’m able to go to Mexico!! We left the United States of America on May 19th at exactly 10:30 Am from the Newark airport. Our flight was a bit late arriving in Cancun Mexico BUT we (my mother and I) were able to take a 30 minute shuttle to the resort, then went to eat for an hour and hang out before having to check in at 4pm.

The room we have is honestly so spacious, more than enough for a vacation. As soon as you walk in you see the dining room table in kind of the middle of the space, then you see the tv to the far right hand corner, then you’ll see the sofa’s on each side of the room with a small marble table in the middle of the two. There’s a balcony in the living room space, but also connected is a small kitchen. The kitchen has a small fridge , sink, cabinets on top and the bottom, microwave, toaster, blender and a coffee maker. Then you go into one of the rooms and it also has a balcony!! You go inside the bedroom and onto the right you’ll see a door which leads into the small room with a toilet on your left but if you continue straight there’s a sink with a HUGE mirror and then a shower with also a tub. Next to the tub you’ll see another door with a small body mirror on it, opening that gets you right by the door, but you see theres a closet door on your right leaving the bathroom and on your left theres a sink with a huge mirror there as well. I’ll insert some pictures so you can see the real thing, if I even gave a great description honestly.

On the first day 05/19/2017 , we didn’t really do much. I was tired because honestly… being cramped up in the plane for about three hours is a bit too much for me. It’s my first time out the country so YOU KNOW, it was really difficult for me. What’s also difficult was and still is , having to leave my partner behind. but if you follow my posts, you’ll hear more about that within the next two blog post’s I’ve got for ya today.

This vacation has actually given me a sense of direction in the sense of:

  • How much respect most of these people that work here have compared to those who are visiting here.
  • How much I’ve missed my partner while being here and how difficult it was to keep my eyes from shedding some tears as I was arriving here. ( I know kind of pathetic)
  • How much I need a small vacation away from everything…

 

People may look at me and or anybody else and wonder HOW in the hell they could be stressing when we “don’t have much to stress about”. I’m sorry but we are all different and we all handle things differently. We all don’t cope the same way, we all don’t take things harshly the same way.

As my partner would say;

“Your rock bottom isn’t the same as someone else’s rock bottom. Yours could be losing your car but for someone else it could be as simple as losing their keys.”  – Lily Lorenzo

And I couldn’t agree more.. this mini vacation has taken most of all the weight from my shoulders and placed it elsewhere. We haven’t done much, I mean I still do things that I do at home like text and go on social media BUT I’m not at work dealing what I deal with there, I’m not at home having to deal with what I do there, I’m not in the places where I am 24/7 where my mind is literally going crazy.

I am in Riviera Maya, Mexico in the Vidanta resorts with my best friend, my mother. Enjoying the beautiful nature: Palm trees, lizards, iguana’s, raccoons, the hot Mexican sun and so much more. Enjoying the warm water in the pool, the shade within the cabana’s, the amazing taco’s, the margarita and the margarita pizza, the great nacho’s, guacamole and later on today we are going to see the Circus of Ole or as they call it “Joya”.

I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday, I’ll be back later on tonight or maybe tomorrow talking about the show and the last things we will be doing until we leave back to Jersey on Thursday!

Thanks for reading… and thank you Mexico!

xoxo

Anjelique

It’s Okay

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We don’t know what life is going to bring to us each and every morning that we wake up. We might have a good day, a bad day, a bad moment, a good moment, and so forth.. and in some of those days or moments throughout ught the day it could be a bit rough not having someone to hold us and comfort us the way that we kind of need that comfort. I know that every bad moment that i am having, i need the comfort so i either call up a friend i know i could count on or i grab a teddy bear that means or correlates to somebody meaningful in my life.

It all may sound a bit childish, a ninetteen year old girl holding a teddy bear while she is upset because of a bad moment or bad day, but really, think about it. Some of us may write till our hearts and mind have no words left, some of us go for long and fast rides in our car, some of us drink, some of us smoke, some of us just do different things to cope. Maybe in some moments we do one thing and in another bad/good moment we do another thing, whatever it is, it’s our form of coping and whichever it is that we do things, it is okay.

It’s weird but it’s also true; I grew up in a world where boys can’t cry or talk about their feelings in any way because it isn’t ‘boy like’. And you know, i did grow up in a world where being gay wasn’t normal, that’s why it took so long for me to even accept it myself when i was younger and why it was hard for me to even come out the closet. Just because something is more accepted now than it was five years ago or more, it still doesn’t make it easier to let it all happen. It doesn’tmake it easier to be ourselves.

It’s scary to think how in some amount of years i’ll have children of my own. They’ll have to go through it too. The whole figuring themselves out. Whether or not to be scared to tell me or any one else who they are. Whether or not to be scared about even stepping out the house for being the color that they are because we live in a world where black and white are two different people. We live in a world where even though we are ‘the land of the free’ we still aren’t free of anything. Think about it. It’s really a shame because there are great people in this world of all ages, color, sizes etc.. there are just great people out there. But society tends to be close minded and not see the bigger picture, they rather see within a small picture. Let’s face it this world is very selfish. Very selfish, and it is a damn shame.

but let me tell you, to whom ever is reading this, whenever you’re reading this. Whether it is the year 2016 or the year 2030, it is OKAY.

It is okay to be white.

It is okay to be Black.

it is okay to be tan.

it is okay to be purple.

it is okay to be blue.

it is okay to be red.

it is okay to be sad.

it is okay to be happy.

it is okay to be angry.

it is okay to be scared.

it is okay to be deteremind.

it is okay to cry.

it is okay to laugh.

it is okay to scream.

it is okay to smile.

it is okay to love the same sex.

it is okay to be transgendered.

it is okay to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual.

it is okay to make mistakes.

it is okay to make a lot of them.

it is all okay to be yourself, but remember to pick yourself right back up and fight your battles, fight the RIGHT battles. Whether you win or you lose, you still fought and you fought hard. If you can do that, you can survive.

and sadly, that’s all what this world is about; surviving.

Do whatever it takes. do not give up. Be yourself.

It is okay.

8 Steps to Coming out

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I receive this question a lot, espeicially online within the younger crowds. Not sure if any of you will be seeing this, but just in case. So you’re obviously a bit nervous or scared to come out the closet to your loved ones. How do i know this? Because you’re on the internet looking to find some kind of motivation within answers to this question. I’m going to try and answer this as best as I can. Keep in mind, even if you PLAN to do certain things and say certain things when coming out the closet, sometimes it may not even go that way that you originally planned. I mean what ever does go as planned?

  1. So the first thing i think you should do is know that you’re 100% ready to come out the closet. This means, that you’d be able to deal with whatever reaction that a loved one may have when you come out to them. You being able to still stay true to yourself no matter what the situation may be.
  2. I believe you shouldn’t tell too many people before telling your parents/gaurdian. This will then cause a possibility to found out the truth by someone else rather than you and in most cases that is kind of a bad thing.
  3.  Find ONE person you can trust. A person that will be willing to help you throughout the process of telling your loved ones. A person that you know will accept you for who you are and be there to guide you and hold you if anything were to go wrong.
  4. Tell your parents. Sit them down and tell them. It’s okay if you cry, it’s okay if you shake, it is OKAY. Remember that. If you feel the need to do any of these things let it out, let it happen, so they can see how serious you are and how much it means for them to know exactly who you are.
  5. Listen. Whether or not they agree with your lifestyle; listen. If they are yelling, listen. If they are crying, listen. If they are happy, listen. They might not agree with your lifestyle at the moment, they might not agree with it AT ALL but they will most likely tell you that they love you and you will always be important to them no matter who you end up with. So please, listen.
  6. If things go wrong, it is not the end of the world. Please please please remember this. If you get kicked out, if you’re in a situation where you aren’t welcomed by the people you have told, go to that person you know will let you in. You will be ok. You are alive and you will turn things around for you in the long run, with or without them. You can get back  up from this downfall and prove to them that YOU are who you are and you can do whatever you want even if you are gay,lesbian,bisexual,pansexual,transgender, etc…
  7. Never give up. Never stop fighting for who you are. How do you think it is accepted MORE now in 2016? Because we stayed quiet? no. Just how there is a #BlackMovement , there are many, many other movements and protests and FIGHTS that people put on for THEIR rights as a citizen, as a human being. Do not give up.
  8. You are NEVER alone. You aren’t ever. Remember that you are part of a family, a community filled with people who have once been in your shoes. We have all been there. To those who have came out the closet for the first time, they will tell you that it won’t be your last time coming out the closet. It will never be your last time. You have your LGBTQIA brothers and sisters supporting you and here for YOU. We love you.

 

xoxo

Anjelique.

My Coming Out Story

LGBT

hello! 

So recently I’ve been logging onto my computer just lounging in bed watching LGBT related videos or vloggers. I came across this one coming out story video and decided to watch more. 

Watching those videos gave me some insight in a different lifestyle that everybody goes through in the LGBT community. I didn’t think still today a lot of people would get hate from their own loved ones for being who they truly are. 

of course there are homophobes out there in this world. the world is too big to not have any, but to not accept somebody that you are blood with or someone you’ve known for a very long time? I don’t understand it. 

Being a part of the LGBT community is something that I am extremely proud of. I love the community because we are just one huge family. Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgender, Pansexuals, etc… we do not discriminate between who likes who. We tend to not even discriminate those heterosexuals, even if many heterosexuals discriminate us. 

Today, I’d like to share my coming out story with you: 

The first thing about coming out is actually accepting yourself first as who you are. That is usually hard to do, saying it out loud. when I was in the fourth grade I remember getting SO jealous that my one friend always had boyfriends and she always left me out of the loop. as the years went on, she continued to have boyfriends and continued to be a ‘bad’ friend not letting me be a part of things. When seventh grade came along we were not so much friends anymore and that is when I realized I developed a crush on this girl. At first I didn’t want to admit it, and I felt really uncomfortable around anyone. I kept to myself. As eighth grade graduation came along we said our goodbyes and parted ways. 

Going to high school was so exciting. The thought of meeting new students and having more of a variety in classes was so much better. During my freshman year I did have a couple of ‘girlfriends’ and came out to Facebook with a privacy lock on it so only friends would see it and not family. Little by little I was accepting who I was except I didn’t really know WHAT label to stick with. Eventually my parents found out and sat me down to talk (still my freshman year) and surprisingly they were very supportive. Except when I brought a boy home, they were confused so I said I was too, just to keep them away from picking my brains out. 

When Junior year came along I met a very beautiful young lady that I found myself really interested in. When we became an official couple I decided to tell my father and mother separately and speaking to them about who I was, for the second time, was the best feeling in the entire world. I was able to have her come over and go over to her house right after school. I got really close to her family as she got to mine and that was my first serious relationship. I didn’t have so much weight on my shoulders as much as I did while it was hidden from my parents and my family. 

Once I spoke to my parents it was easier to tell the rest of my family. But what people fail to realize is that coming out isn’t only once but it is literally all of the time. When we get a job, when we meet new people, when we see family we haven’t seen in a while, etc.. it is nerve wrecking to have to tell the story all over again getting close to somebody and having to deal with their reaction towards it. 

If you haven’t came out the closet yet to your loved ones know that it is okay. Don’t rush to tell people who you are just wait until you’re absolutely ready. 

if you have came out already and things haven’t been okay, I promise things will get better sooner or later. Just hang in there angel <3! 

X O X O 

B. 

Getting advice from others.

Advice

hello! 

I’m hoping the new year has treated you well so far. I had the most weird dream of all dreams! It was specifically about advice giving and there were lines of old friends of mine who wanted advice from me. One of the friends in that line were myself. I was pretty shocked but then I realized it makes sense. 

Every time I needed or still need advice I’d go to my friends or search it up on google to see what was said by others if it was even asked. Sometimes there were good answers but most of the time I’d end up doing what I wanted to do in the first place. and because of that reason, some of my “friends” cut me loose because I simply didn’t abide their advice every time they gave it. But it didn’t matter if I had lost them for that reason, because I had myself. I realized if they left for that reason well then that’s on them, the realist friend I have is myself. 

Most people got irritated because of the fact that they gave me advice after advice and I’d never listen to it. We mostly ask for advice from other people so we can get a different perspective. So we could see if maybe those words that they have can make us realize something different from our own thoughts.

So my advice to you is, do not listen to your friends. I mean sure you can ask for advice but you aren’t, obligated to go by what they say. at the end of the day it is your life. You live with the choices you make, with the consequences that some may take. So if you lose people for taking your own path, maybe it is just for the best. 
x o x o 

B.