Finding it hard to believe that 2018 is coming to an end already. I’m about to celebrate my godsons 9th birthday and then I’m celebrating a whole new year ahead of us. That is just insane.
I never really believed my parents when they told me “ it only gets faster as the years go by, you blink and you’re 30”.
Although I am only 22 as of September 26th, 2018, it’s still a big change. I remember being 18 years old, so independent in my freshman year of college as if it were yesterday and now I’m 22.
Let’s get personal shall we?
I had lost myself within just 4 months or less and it was the most horrible feeling ever. The biggest fight is realizing that you’ve lost yourself and now you’ve got to find your way back… but its definitely possible.
After losing myself I lost my relationship & am more than sure that the cause of that was because I lost grip of who I was and wanted to be. I was such in a rush to be this adult version of myself but my partner wasn’t ready for all of the rush. My partner wasn’t even ready for the huge commitment that we put ourselves in and if I’m being honest, neither was I; clearly.
I began to go MAD, and I don’t mean crazy like I’d hit my head against the wall MAD but I’d be really focused one day and the next I’d just cry and fight to get out of bed but just simply couldn’t. I didn’t know what I wanted to be anymore, I didn’t know what to go to school for, I was overall depressed and felt so alone in every room. I didn’t know what those who suffered through this felt before I actually went through it, I even had a hard time accepting that I was even lost in the first place.
I kept trying to RUSH my life because of this saying that I kept being told. ” it’s only going to get faster from here” would play over and over again.
Once I turned 19 I realized that time really was going by fast and I needed my life together NOW. I became frustrated at the childish mistakes that I made after watching others close to me do them, I still did it myself. So I devoted my 20 years as “I need to get my shit together” where all-in-all this is when I’m really supposed to make my mistakes and fix them as the time goes on.
The greatest part of this all is that this year is coming to an end and i can sit here and actually admit to my wrongs and mistakes. Not many can do that and I was part of those who never could do it before this year.
I am now 22 years old trying to fix my credit score, find out all that I’ve got to pay and have no savings. I know I’m not the only one trying to make ends meet. I’ve actually found many apps and websites that can help YOU in a situation like this. (I’ll add that post into this one as soon as it gets done. So if you don’t see the link yet, be patient, it’ll come.)
It’s crazy because 2018 started off with my brother in the hospital and basically with my brother in the hospital. It’s been one very eye-opening year let me tell you. Besides family crisis, I’ve had very HUGE slaps to the face.
I’ve realized this year that majority of my friends are really those who I talk to through the phone with. I’ve got a friend in Alabama who keeps it real as ever and I’ve got a friend in Arizona who did live here in jersey all her life but now she’s in Az and the HUGE change of time difference and barely being able to talk to her it SUCKS but adulthood man, it also sucks lol.
This blog has been a part of me since 2016, I’ve been on and off with it because my life has been super on and off but I really promised myself to do everything right this year and actually be productive. This is something I love to do. Write, share tips & tricks, help your readers understand that you aren’t alone but you also have a helping hand from someone who’s gone through things. You know?
This year started and I was unemployed, lost & felt so empty. It’s now coming to an end in just 5/6 days. I’ve got a full-time job as an assistant manager with a GREAT company, which keeps expanding. I’ve also got two part-time side hustles that one will soon be a full-time job. I’ve also been able to realize my screw ups and where I went wrong in the last two years of my life and it had NOTHING to do with ANYONE besides ME. I’ve also decided that I’ll be going back to school next year. Unfortunately, not in January but the first semester will be the summer 1.
In my perspective, life cannot be rushed. If rushed it only allows for mistakes that could have been avoided when trying to fix prior mistakes. It’ll just cause my confusion. And if we are being honest here there are 30 and 40 something-year-olds who don’t have their life together yet but are working super hard to get there and well that is the best part about life. We all have our own time frame, where we are now is exactly where we are meant to be. When things don’t go the way we want it to we freak out. The only reason WHY we try to rush our lives is due to the sayings we are being fed by others around us that this isn’t where we need to be but the truth is YOU ARE WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.
Where you are right this moment going through whatever it is that you are going through, you are meant to be here for some reason. The friends you lost, the friends you’ve gained, the illness you were diagnosed, the medication you were prescribed, it is all part of your reason of living and there is NOTHING wrong with who you are.
This is all part of the reason you’re here and you can’t be mad at yourself for the way things work. Don’t dwell on the past remember that in order for you to really move on you’ve got to move forward and let the past be the past.
I know it’s easier said than done but think about it, how can you move on if you’re stuck in yesterday’s bullshit?
You just can’t.
You can’t have a brand new day to make changes in your life moving forward if you’re going to still be upset about what happened yesterday or last week or last month. Am I right?
2018 has taught me so much and I am so grateful to see many days as they go on. I am blessed.
Today, I’m going to write out all of my goals; short term & long term and next to it I’ll write one reason why even if its just one word.
You should join me. Comment below or wait for my next post because I’ll be sharing it all with you.
Until next time…