how are you guys on this fine Tuesday evening? I hope you’re all doing well.
today is a very special day for me because it is Pansexual Awarness & visibilty day (as well as panromantic too).
if you haven’t seen my post or my video on YouTube yet about my coming out story, briefly I’d like to tell you about it.
When I was younger I would always get jealous over my one friend who would ALWAYS be mad at me. Never knew why she would be mad, it just always ended up that way. It would hurt more than usual when my other friends would go hang out with her and I would be out of the whole group. Back than it wasn’t ever in my mind that I had a crush on her, until about two years ago I realized it definatley was a crush. I looked back at all the signs I had and it definatley wasn’t jealousy over friendship.
It wasn’t until my freshman year where I’d go through the process of finding out “who I was”. I told this one girl I liked her when in reality I didn’t, I just knew I was attracted to females but wanted to see if I could actually be with a female and kiss them or if i was just being curious.
after telling that one girl, we talked every day and night and when we hung out once she just grabbed me and kissed me and my stomach fluttered. I felt my face turn red and I had gotten chills all through ought my body. I hadn’t felt that even within the first boy that gave me my first kiss. So within that kiss by that girl I started to believe I only liked girls. Until this one boy asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. Confusing right? I know!
it only lasted two weeks though, haha.
within those two weeks, each kiss had its own “flutter” or “spark” but that’s all the spark there was. No actual connection.
through ought my sophomore year I had researched all the types of sexualities. There are SO many. I’m sure I haven’t heard of all them yet either. But I continued on with dating females and males. The beginning of my junior year I came across this beautiful male but they could have passed for a female as well. It was through a site called Tumblr.
They followed my blog and I followed back. for an entire week we didn’t say a word to each other just reblogged and liked each other’s postings. One day they decided to message me and we connected instantly. The only bad part was this person lived in the UK. he was transgendered.
They were born into this world as a female BUT they felt and still feel as though they are male. So ever since he was ten years old he self identified as a male. They started the process of becoming a male at the age 12/13.
I wasn’t in love with this person but this was the first time I came across a transgender and it was such a beautiful moment for me. I didn’t look at him any less of a person. He is the reason why I looked into my sexuality even more. I talked to many people in the LGBTQ community and I finally knew who I was.
Coming out to my parents was honestly a hard thing to follow. Although I knew my parents would support me 95% of the way, the other 5% I had doubted myself a bit. They could have said it was all a phase but they didnt, and I am glad they didn’t.
My first serious relationship with a female was amazing being that my parents welcomed her with arms wide opened and treated her as they would have treated my brothers girlfriend. I appreciate the fact that my parents as well as the rest of my family support me because if they didn’t I wouldn’t know how to live without them. It would be hard. Very hard.
and for those who are doing exactly that’s, I salute you. My arms are wide open for you.
you are not alone.
happy pansexual / panromantic Awarness and visibility day!!!!!!